Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Seems I'm Back - For Now

Ain’t been around much, peeps.  On Monday I delivered some pups to one of my old New York rescue ladies who moved down outside Knoxville, TN.  It was an easy drive, only about three hours.   But the highlight was meeting one of my blogging and Facebook peeps, Tonya, over at blueeyedtwani on my bog roll over there on the left.  We had a few cups of coffee at the local Waffle House (only the best for my ladies.)  I am having trouble copying the picture she put on my FB page, so go us at

Then on Tuesday I drove my brother, Stephen, to Birmingham to pick up a new car.  He bought a new Nissan Altima (not his car above.) That was a two hour drive that was quiet enjoyable and I got to drive the new car.  That is a sweet driving machine.

That brings me up to today.  After raising a little hell and making 4,767,852 ½  phone calls, I got David out of Grady Hospital and he will never go back there again.  He is now in the care of a Podiatrist close to his rehab center.  A great doctor with a great repartition.    And he says David is curable.  His infection will be brought under control but his rehab in walking will be a little longer.

Here is David trying to hear what Stephen is saying.

One of the problems from Grady is they put his leg in a full cast with no way to treat the infection.  These are doctors for Christ sake.  Well, this doctor had his cast cut in two. 

Here he is with the half cast.  

And here is his wound.  See how swollen he is.  (okay, open your eyes you weenies. It’s not hurting you.)  It is much better looking than the last time I saw it.  Then he was leaking...uh...stuff as they took off the patch.

Anyway, the has a new silver coated wrapping and the two halves of the cast put back on wrapped in an Ace Bandage.  This way the nurses at the rehab center will be able to get to the wound and treat it.  Though David will be on an IV antibiotic treatment for the next six weeks, he will be much better off.  That and he has been getting a shot in his belly before each meal to keep down blood clots.  Since there is no more surgery panned, he can now go on Coumadin to thin the blood and save clots from forming.

And best of all, I haven’t had to work on the house.  But that will change tomorrow. Dammit!

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

I have been infested with a heavy dose of the Good, the Bad and the Ugly lately.  Let me explain.

The GOOD!  My step-son and his wife, Steve and Laura, finally signed the closing papers on their new house.  This is his first home because he has lived in our basement since he was 15 years old.  Now we will be living in his basement.  That is a great thing for Judy and me.  We are looking forward to moving (more on this later.)

The BAD!  My nephew, David, (no picture) has been in the hospital for a week now.  He was finally, and with the grace of GOD, sent to a rehab center.  However, the incision where all the hardware to rebuild his ankle was placed has become infected.  He has been transported back to Grady Memorial Hell Hole for debridement twice.  This time he has been in there for a week and I am fucking pissed.  He will now be on IV antibiotics for the next six weeks.  I want his ass out of there and moved to Kennestone Welstar Hospital and under a real doctor, not a team of students.  He was supposed to be moved on Saturday, but, as usual, Grady fucked up. 

It is partly my fault because I was at the new house working on the basement.  My brother, Stephen, is having issues with his own disease (Parkinson’s) and cannot help as much as he would like.  Plus I have to pick up three puppies tomorrow and take them to Knoxville, TN.  And still help Judy with the new house.

That leads to The UGLY!  For the first time in my life I feel my full sixty six years old.  After close to 25 years of hauling hand trucks of Cokes and kegs of beer, my back is gone.  I cannot bend over.  I cannot invite the world to KISS MY ASS anymore because I cannot bend over to offer the succulent prize.   Plus the heat is killing me.  I cannot take it anymore. And I have no energy.

I’m not sure if it’s my sugar or something else.  But I cannot stand for any length of time and I just do not feel good.  For example, we stopped off at Home Depot today after lunch to pick up some stuff and I told Judy that I could not do it. I went out to the truck and sit till she returned.

But the bright light in my life is Judy.  She is an amazing woman and why she puts up with me is beyond my comprehension.  There is nothing she can’t do.  I tried to help her as much as I could, like lifting heave shit, but I would then have to sit down until the pain subsided enough in my back to let me get up again.

We (she) are studding in the walls and will be hanging boarding soon.  
Here is a picture from my cell phone of Judy and some of the studding she is doing.

Plus some of the materials we will be using down there.

And she is doing all the stuff I love to do.  She is running the saws, hammering with the air-hammers and handheld ones, too.  She is having all the fun while I just wimp out.  

 I have to admit, it has me pretty depressed.  I try to fight it, peeps.  I keep cracking jokes that keep Judy laughing, but I feel as useless as a spayed dog in a breeding session at Mike Vick's house.  I’m feeling the mortality very much.

My winter years are finally here and it’s a fucking blizzard. 

Saturday, August 27, 2011

All Men Went To Heaven

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. I want one line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone to St. Peter, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household!  You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!  Of all of you, only one obeyed.  Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

Friday, August 26, 2011

Lexiphile Humor

To all you Lexiphiles out there:
(Those who love playing on words)

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?  He's all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Man vs Woman

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female - Any part under a car's hood.
Male - The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female - Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male - Playing football without a cup.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .
Female - The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male - Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female - A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male - Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female - A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male - Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female - An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male - A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female - The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male - Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female - A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male - A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

He said, “I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said, “You wear pants don't you?

He said, “Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said, “That's a good idea; you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said, “What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said, “Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said, “How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said, “We don't know; it has never happened.

He said, “Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said, “Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Golf Panties

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

“Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?” Ole demanded.
“Well” she said, “you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here’s a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

“Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?”
She replies, “I can't afford any on the money you give me.”

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over and the wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

“Sweet mudder of Jaysus,  Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?”  
She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.”

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, “Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb...tidy yerself up a bit.”

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Which Family Are You?

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.  You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?


Democrat’s Answer: 
  • Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
  • What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?
  • Does the man look poor or oppressed?
  • Is he really a terrorist?  Am I guilty of profiling?
  • Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
  • Could we run away?
  • What does my wife think?
  • What about the kids?
  • Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
  • What does the law say about this situation?
  • Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
  • Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
  • Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
  • Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
  • If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
  • Should I call 9-1-1?
  • Why is this street so deserted?
  • We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
  • Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
  • I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
  • This is all so confusing!

Republican’s Answer:

Southerner’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click….. (Sounds of reloading)


Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy!  Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!

Son: ‘Can I shoot the next one?!’
Wife: ‘You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist