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I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the
ice. At least I presume she was poor -
she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until
he stuck his index finger up my butt. Do
you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind
my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police
said to prepare for the worst. So, I
have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where
do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently
the correct answer was Africa.
One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found
in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been
banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they do drive
slowly past schools.
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to
the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is
To which she replied, "No, it's regular
people-porn, you sick bastard.”
A buddy of mine just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her
twin. I said "How can you tell them
apart?" He said, "Her
brother's got a mustache."
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards
the floods in Pakistan. I said we would
love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.