saw this and copied if from somewhere but forgot to take down who I got it
So if it was one of my Peeps here,
I apologize for not giving you credit.
it is not one of you, then forget what I said above and instead appreciate my brilliance.
LAWS WE LIVE UNDER:
OF MECHANICAL REPAIR – After your hands become coated with grease, your
nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
OF GRAVITY – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll
to the least accessible corner.
OF PROBABILITY – The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.
OF RANDOM NUMBERS – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy
signal and someone always answers.
OF THE ALIBI – If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
LAW – If you change lanes, the one you were in will always move faster
than the one you are in now (works every time).
OF THE BATH – When the body is fully immersed in water, the
OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS – The probability of meeting someone you know
increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen
OF THE RESULT – When you try to prove to someone that a machine
won’t work, it will.
OF BIOMECHANICS – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional
to the reach.
OF THE THEATER AND FOOTBALL STADIUM – At any event, the people whose seats
are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will
leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who
leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in
the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big
bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance.
COFFEE LAW – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is
LAW OF LOCKERS – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they
will have adjacent lockers.
OF PHYSICAL SURFACES – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing
face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the
carpet or rug.
OF LOGICAL ARGUMENT – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are
OF PHYSICAL APPEARANCE – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
OF PUBLIC SPEAKING – A closed mouth gathers no feet.
OF COMMERCIAL MARKETING STRATEGY – As soon as you find a product that you really like,
they will stop making it.
LAW – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by
the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and
you’ll stay sick.
LAW OF AUTO REPAIR – You will have to
reach into the customer’s new car with greasy hands and turn on the key/change
the position of the wheels or shift lever.
LAW OF GRAVITY – Any tool, nut, bolt,
screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. If you are working on a car, a bolt or nut
will fall into a void in the frame or body that cannot be accessed without
removing some major body part. If it does fall all the way through, it will go
to the geographic center of the car.
LAW OF PHYSICAL SURFACES – The chances
are an open-faced jelly sandwich will land face down on a floor, and is
directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
LAW OF FAILURE
FAILURE – All laws of failure will reverse themselves at the point when you
attempt to demonstrate said failure to anyone else.
LAW OF EQUIPMENT FAILURE – That the more
important a task be accomplished within a time schedule, it is inevitable the
copier/printer will decide to break down.