Words of wisdom! Some you have seen before, but all have a ring of truth.
1. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
2. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
3. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
4. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
5. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the hips change places.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
8. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she is pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
9. There is always one more imbecile that you counted on.
10. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark and a team of educated, trained professionals built the Titanic.
11. It is easier to get forgiveness than to ask for permission.
12. Don’t worry what people think, they don’t do it very often.
13. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
14. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
15. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
16. A person who is nice to you but is rude to the waitress is not a nice person.
17. Its not the jeans that make your ass look fat…it’s the fat.
18. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
19. No one cares if you can’t dance. Just get up and do it.
20. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
21. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background is that we are above average drivers
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