Tuesday, July 17, 2007

More Words of Wisdom

Words of wisdom! Some you have seen before, but all have a ring of truth.

1. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

2. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

3. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

4. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

5. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the hips change places.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

8. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she is pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

9. There is always one more imbecile that you counted on.

10. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark and a team of educated, trained professionals built the Titanic.

11. It is easier to get forgiveness than to ask for permission.

12. Don’t worry what people think, they don’t do it very often.

13. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

14. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

15. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

16. A person who is nice to you but is rude to the waitress is not a nice person.

17. Its not the jeans that make your ass look fat…it’s the fat.

18. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

19. No one cares if you can’t dance. Just get up and do it.

20. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

And finally,

21. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background is that we are above average drivers

9 comments:

Heidi the Hick said...

You know oddly enough, speaking of words of wisdom, I just replied to your comment and called you a wise fella.

I think you're onto something here...

Pamela said...

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.


thanks for reminding me this

her indoors said...

now i need to weigh my fridge thanks!

coffeypot said...

hc: Thanks for the kind words. Though have I always thought of myself as a smart feller or a fart smeller. I get them confused.

pamela: Its an easy thing to confuse sometimes. Not you and certainly not me, but some people have their whole identity tied up with their job and they feel lost when not at work. Sad!

her indoors: Empty it first – not eat everything in it, mind you. Just put it on the table ‘till you weigh it.

gawilli said...

You're right. Many of these have a ring of truth. I like this one in particular...

"No one cares if you can’t dance. Just get up and do it."

gawilli said...

Cha Cha Cha!

coffeypot said...

gawilli: Swing it baby!

CindyDianne said...

I like:

6. You should not confuse your career with your life. (I gave this up a long time ago, but it is a good reminder)

13. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you have never tried before.

and

19. No one cares if you can't dance, just get up and do it. (there was a lot of this at my wedding reception)

CoffinDodger said...

Thanks for that...cheered me up! not smirked for ages. nearly, just nearly laughed out loud!!!