Thursday, October 18, 2007

Sex Facts & Beauty Secrets

This was sent to me in an email, one of those pass along things that we all get from our friends and family. I did add a few comments, but the original meanings can be deciphered.

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. That is, if you pull it out and aim it right.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. And if you do it too fast you can get blisters and pull muscles.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner. Begging for a second chance burns up even more calories.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need
special sneakers or a bathing suite!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. Until she says, “Are you finished already?”

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered – especially if you are filthy stinking rich. Actually, the sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. Men go at it like hell for two or three minuets and, bam, they are asleep.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. If you like to spit out your partners food after each kiss. I’ll brush, thank you very much – unless she had hamburger with everything on it. That is different.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. And then the headache will fall asleep.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. If done right it can blow the snot out of your nose. Actually, sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Now you know why I am an overweight, grumpy, frustrated old fart who is getting entirely too much ear hair. I need to get laid. Sweet Tea is coming home tomorrow, but that won’t help the ear hair. But I am glad to have her back. My right arm is beginning to look like Popeyes.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am a sporty girl. I would love to share some of my photos with you all, check them out...
http://www.fitkiss.com/photo/janet779

her indoors said...

so hang on i got a cold and i could have got better with having more sex, or should i say having sex and not being banished from the bedroom as i am spreading my germs! i got a headache too so off to wake the hubby up now;-)

Marni said...

TMI...

BTW - did you visit the "sporty girl"?

coffeypot said...

her indoors, you two go at it like rabbits anyway. I'm surprised you even get a headache.

marni, there is not such thing as TMI when it comes to enlightening my fellow blogers. They need to know this stuff. And who is this "sporty girl", anyway? I think I've been spammed. And, NO, I did not visit her. Puke! I don't need my endorphins loosened that badly.

Biddie said...

Janet is sporty? Oh, good for her!

I am not going to let Shawn read this! No way.

coffeypot said...

biddie, who is Janet? Sweet Tea is Judy - is that who you meant? If not, what does Janet look like? Wait! I don't care what she looks like. I have Sweet Tea. But is she cute. WAIT! I don't want to know. Even if she's warm and cudley, I don't want to know. Honestly, I don't! I think! Oh, Hell! Leave me alone!!!

"that girl" said...

yes i love this "article"

i'm a firm believer in #9

Heidi the Hick said...

Coffeypot, you crack me up!!!

coffeypot said...

that girl, which did you mean? Do you use sex to alleviate a headache, or does your headache roll over after sex and go to sleep, thus leaving you alone? I get confused with my own logic.

Heidi, happy to please.

e.Craig said...

Quite informative. Packed with facts. Good one.

Pamela said...

I checked out spory girl. It's an ad site. You can go over there without hyperventilating


This was some list CP. I wish I'd read it 30 years ago.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

LOL! All too true! :-D

gawilli said...

I particularly like the part about not needing special sneakers or a bathing suit.

GrizzBabe said...

I can personally attest to the last sentence in #1. They should bottle that stuff and sell it!

Is that TMI again?

coffeypot said...

Not for me. And I bet you have lovely skin, too.

Itchy said...

This must be why my skin looks horrible, my hair won't lay down flat, and I have a persistent headache. = )

coffeypot said...

Itchy, there is nothing that a frequent two finger massage wouldn't cure.

Jordan said...

My skin hasn't been glowing so much the past couple years but I'm about ready to make up for that.. :-)

RWA said...

Now I need to print this list out and keep it around!

Well done, coffeypot.

cooper green said...

This is a wonderful post, and I have enjoyed reading it many times over the past two weeks. But is it too much to ask for you to pay your internet bill so you can tell us something a little more current? My kids have grown and married, and I have a wonderful grandson, but they are starting to ask me embarrassing questions. I don't know what to say when my grandson says, "Granddad, how come that wrinkly old guy from Georgia doesn't post more often? He's really funny and interesting, but I guess his right hand fell asleep."

Damn kids. I never know what to say.

coffeypot said...

Tell the little shit that if he wants to read something funny to just look at your blogs. And my right hand has been very busy lately since Sweet Tea has been out of town for almost a month. She's back now, but the hand is still busy - stirring Tea.