This was sent to me in an email, one of those pass along things that we all get from our friends and family. I did add a few comments, but the original meanings can be deciphered.
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. That is, if you pull it out and aim it right.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. And if you do it too fast you can get blisters and pull muscles.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner. Begging for a second chance burns up even more calories.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need
special sneakers or a bathing suite!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. Until she says, “Are you finished already?”
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered – especially if you are filthy stinking rich. Actually, the sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. Men go at it like hell for two or three minuets and, bam, they are asleep.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. If you like to spit out your partners food after each kiss. I’ll brush, thank you very much – unless she had hamburger with everything on it. That is different.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. And then the headache will fall asleep.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. If done right it can blow the snot out of your nose. Actually, sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
Now you know why I am an overweight, grumpy, frustrated old fart who is getting entirely too much ear hair. I need to get laid. Sweet Tea is coming home tomorrow, but that won’t help the ear hair. But I am glad to have her back. My right arm is beginning to look like Popeyes.
MASTERPIECE #1889 - Édouard Joseph Dantan, French *Opera-Goers Trying To Find the Smartass With the Air Horn*, 1886 Oil on canvas
5 hours ago