Tuesday, November 18, 2008

More Tuesday Humor


As you know, I get emails from many people passing along jokes, political propaganda and pictures (some I can't post because they are usually naked women in various poses and looking good and annd annnndddd aaahhhhha - whew - sorry! What was I saying? Oh yeah!) So below are a few of them and the peeps who sent them to me - incase you are incensed are offended you can tell THEM. I'm just the messenger. OOOKKKKK!!??!!!

From Cooper:
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

From Mary:
Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm.'

'Mutual orgasm' here and mutual orgasm' there-that's all they talk about.

Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"

Mabel thought for a long while.

Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."

Another one from Mary:

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the clerk asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?" She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves." She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me."

From My Shipmate, Joe:

Who is your REAL FRIEND?

This really works...!

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

Another one from Joe:
Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, 'Where in the heck have you been?'
Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.'
'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?'
'I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis,' he said proudly.
'What the hell were you thinking?' she said, shaking her head in disgust. ‘Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his penis?'
'Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of your going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.'
Larry is recovering in room 232 at the local hospital.
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Cant Hardly Wait said...

Hahaha! I love the mutual orgasm one. Those were great, thanks for sharing!

Olly said...

Those were great! Now I'm gonna be thinking all day about how to get my husband into the trunk of my car...

KB said...

A truckdriver came home late one night and saw a neighbor kid in his driveway. In his right hand he had a bag of M&M's, in his left he had a cat, and he was standin on a line drawn down the drive.

The trucker wondered what the boy was up to as the kid ate an M&M, bit the cat and took a step forward.

Wonderin even more what this strange kid was up to he watched him pop another M&M, bite the cat and take another step.

This went on several more times until the trucker couldn't stand it, he had to know.

"Son, what are ya doin?"

"Playin Truck Driver"

"Playin Truck Driver??"

"Yup, I'm poppin pills, eatin pussy and movin on down the line!"

GrizzBabe said...

Poor Mabel.

e.Craig Crawford said...

You just topped off my evening. Thanks.

Gotta go buy some rye bread now.


Trailboss said...

I cannot tell you how hard I laughed at these. There is no better therapy than laughter.

Especially the State Farm joke. I worked for State Farm for 5 years!

Thank you my friend!

Tookie Tail said...

hahahah I love the tatto joke! But, they were all great! Thanks, Coffey! You always keep me smiling!

SuvvyGirl said...

I like the one from your shipmate. :P Pets are extremely underrated. :)

Real Live Lesbian said...

LMAO! I love those!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

LOL! What a riot! These were really fun!

chesneygirl said...

HAA! Those are great!

I love the spouse and dog in the trunk one!!

Thanks for the laughs, coffey!

Biddie said...

LOL. Those were great! Thanks for the smile. I needed one today :)