Sunday, January 31, 2010

Redneck Monday - The Census

This is the year of the CENSUS. It is suppose to give, what use to be, the Government and is now OBAMANATION a clear picture of the country. But no Census would be correct if it didn't adjust to every section of the country. Here is the Redneck Census:


Last name: ________________

(Check appropriate box)
First name:
[_] Billy-Bob
[_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe
[_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray
[_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue
[_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae
[_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack
[_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)

Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

[_] Farmer
[_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser
[_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed
[_] Dirty Politician

Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________

Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister
[_] Aunt
[_] Brother
[_] Uncle
[_] Mother
[_] Son
[_] Father
[_] Daughter
[_] Cousin
[_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___

Number of children living in shed: ___

Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________

Father's Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ kitchen
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Number of road kills presently in your freezer?
[ ] 3
[ ] 5
[ ] 10 or more

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer
[_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide
[_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO

___ Number of times you've seen Elvis

___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth? ___

Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow
[_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown
[_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know


Unknown said...

You are a funny man! Glad I stumbled on your blog.

K-Dubyah said...

Oh Shiite!!! Just when I think I can settle down and get some sleep, you have to go post this and now I'm laughing every few seconds.

Thanks, Johhhhnnnn...

Anonymous said...

That is funny.

Paxford said...

:( - No Bubba's?

Liz Mays said...

Oh man, the color of the teeth!!!! This is really funny!

Coffeypot said... know what I mean. Welcome and come back anytime - if you can stand it.

KyW, 'welcome! I think it would be fun keeping you awake.

Pax, Bubba is a nickname. It comes from you baby siblings not being able to say brother. Then the name sticks.

blueviolet, teeth color helps us recognize each other.

Tracie said...

I saw that years ago. Only it was called 'Application For West Virginia Residency'. Funny either way.

Anonymous said...

Keep posting stuff like this i really like it