Friday, January 29, 2010

A Tail Of Two Greeters

Here are a couple of Wal-Mart Greeter Stories.
Believe them or not (I would bet on not)

Wal-Mart Greeter #1
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter (a good find for many retirees), I lasted less than a day.

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, ‘Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, ‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?’

So I politely replied, ‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am, I just find it hard to believe that someone would fuck you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

Wal-Mart Senior Greeter #2
Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.", replied Charley.

''Well good! You are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

“They said, 'Good morning, Admiral, can I get you some coffee, sir?'''


Anonymous said...

They are both great jokes!


BlackLOG said...

True or not, I'm with you on the not, they are both funny....

Old Fart said...

True story, or so they say...

A greeter at Wal-Mart in Tennessee that I used to frequent regularly (prior to my boycott of the big W) had no legs and one arm. He was a son of bitch with an attitude that just grunted when you entered. If that old basterd ever fell out of his wheel chair, I'd step over him on my way out. When they opened a Super-W in the same town and closed the smaller, he was not retained.

Mike Golch said...

Great one,sport.

CI-Roller Dude said...

I was thinking being a Wallyworld greeter. But, I'd be like the first guy.
"Lady, there's a sale on bath soap on isle 20..why don't you go get some."

"Mam, there's duct tape on isle 34...maybe you can use some on your friggen kids and keep them under control."

Unknown said...

They are both funny :) - but I have stopped shopping at Walmart a long time ago.

Ducky said...

I vote for true....because I would TOTALLY use those lines!

Matty said...

That first one is just downright hilarious.

gayle said...

I was thinking about getting a job as a Wal Mart greeter!!;0

Love those jokes!!

Pamela said...

love the admiral one!