Monday, April 05, 2010

Redneck Monday - Mo Quotes!

He's a nice enough guy, but I don't think he has enough chlorine in his gene pool.

That makes my ass draw up so tight you couldn't drive a toothpick through it with a sledgehammer.

I wouldn't have that in my ass if I had room for a drilling rig.

I'd rather be in hell with a broken back than (fill in the blank).

I wouldn't pay $50 to see a piss ant pull a freight train.

If he were to give a concert in my backyard, I'd pull the blinds.

It's colder than a nun's cunt on a ski slope.

That's handier than a pocket on a shirt.

Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens.

I'm bowed up like a Halloween Cat.

She's so ugly when she was a baby her mom fed her with a slingshot

That’s harder than a choir boy in a porn shop

It's colder than a whore's heart out there.

I'm happier than a punk in a pickle patch.


Granny cooked enough supper to feed Pharaoh’s Army.

He couldn't hit the ground if he fell twice!

Busier than a one armed monkey with two peckers.

Madder than a pack of wild dogs on a three legged cat.

I'm so poor I've got to fart to have a cent.(scent)

Her jeans are so tight, you can see the veins in her ass!

If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his butt when he hops.

Back when men were men and women were proud of it.

You're swingin' like a wash woman.

Cornier than a corn field and half of it's owner's turds.

That fellers so dumb, he don't know sheep shit from cotton seed!

That's lower then quail shit in a wagon rut!

As poor as field mice.

Harder than a ministers prick.


MsPsycho said...

hehe... Thanks for the laugh.

Momma Fargo said...

Wow! Thanks, I am totally stoked and prepared to talk to the hillbillies now. LOL.

Anonymous said...

The country dictionary?

blueviolet said...

This is why I live in the city. ;)

Mrsblogalot said...

LOL!! you kill me with these!

Miss Em said...


And I use some of them. Wonder what that means...Oh Just Damn...
red-neck in the city

Miss Em

CI-Roller Dude said...

Hey, that's the same guy who spent $1,000 for a $200 gun.

Christine said...

You must be hanging around my neighborhood to hear all of these. I LOVE the south...

Daffy said...

"Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens."

Oh good lawd...I'm going to have to work this one into conversation somehow today.

SuvvyGirl said...

Holy crap on a cracker :p

Pamela said...

my dad said "lower than whale poop on the bottom of the ocean"