Friday, August 06, 2010

Me and My Blackberry

When I bought my Blackberry I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Bluetooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead, oh well, it was not a good relationship.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves, but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

And I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, “No, but I do toot a lot."

I need to go back to my old CB Radio.


middle child said...

You are absolutely adorable!

Coffeypot said...

Thanks! And I won't hurt your heart either.

Matty said...

I'm with ya old man. This modern age of technology can be confusing. If today's young people had to get along like we did with dimes and payphones, maps and rotary phones, they'd be clueless.

ScoMan said...

I like Twitter because I can hurl abuse at celebrities that don't know who I am and can't beat me.

Sometimes though, they hurl abuse back but I think that's just because they're not nice people.

Coffee Slut said...

bi-sacksual ...hahahahaha

Charlene said...

I have a cell. I got it the month after Dennis died. He didn't believe in cell phones. He also didn't believe in IRA's and other such new fangled things.

I have had every version of the cell from the brick to the bag to the car only to the slip it in my pocket every waking hour. Now I have no land line phone, even for the business. I don't have a GPS. I do have an iPod, the little cheap one. I lust for an iPhone4 but don't want an iPad or e.reader.

I suppose I'm kind of schitzo about technology.

Lickety Splitter said...

You kill me ... in the best way possible.

gayle said...

I came here thinking I was going to learn about a Blackberry!!

The Bruised Reed said...

You were featured on Mikey's Funnies!

Salvatiry Carlino said...

Cellular phones today are not just a way of communication, but it is also a way of keeping us entertained. Some people don't realize how great it is for them to have these cool gadgets. Even in the fields of business, they use mobile phones as their way of communicating and getting in touch with their clients and employees.

Kelly Brueggemann said...

The good thing with your technology adaptation phase was that your kids were there to support you and even supply you with what they think you needed. :D So have you found the phone particularly useful for your business? I mean, BB phones are typical phones for business people who need to stay connected. Has it been as useful to you as it has been to other people? :)
-->Kelly Brueggemann