. You moms out there. Are you up to snuff on your nursery rhymes? You passing along these bits of gems to your brats…uh…precious ones? Are you tired of the same old shit? Try these out and see if the kiddies catch on and ask which versions they like best. Such a nurturing experience…
Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides, and every time that Mary walked the boys could see her thighs. Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front, ...but she didn't wear that one very often.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, her clothes all tattered and torn. It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her, but Little Boy Blue and his horn.
Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pieman, "What have you got there?" Said the pieman unto Simon, "Pies, you dickhead!"
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men Said, "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
Hickory Dickery Dock Three mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one And knocked the shit out of it.
Mary had a little lamb. It ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its ass and turned it into nylon.
Mary had a little lamb. She tied it to a heater. Every time it turned around It burnt his little elbow.
Georgie Porgy pudding 'n pie Kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play, he kissed them too, 'cause he's gay.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hanky panky. Silly Jill forgot her pill, and now there's little Frankie .