Saturday, April 23, 2011

Helpful Hints - From A Straight Guy

(This picture has nothing to do with the post. I just like it)

Okay, peeps.  This is a post to help you lead a better life.  

No, I’m not gay and No, I don’t do any of this shit, but some of you do.  It comes from an email I received and I though some of you would get some use out of it.  So don’t stare with the ‘Girly Man’ bullshit.  If you do, I might have to hit you with my purse…uh…man bag…uh…carrying bag…oh, to hell with it. I’ll punch you out.

So, without further ado (and threats) I give you:

Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store.  If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold.

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating.  Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef.  It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich, add a couple of spoonful’s of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream; then beat them.

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic, and at the end of the recipe if you want a stronger taste of garlic.

Reheat Pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove; set heat to med-low and heat till warm.  This keeps the crust crispy.  No soggy micro pizza. 

Easy Deviled Eggs: Put cooked egg yolks in a sip lock bag.  Seal! Mash till they are all broken up.  Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up missing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy; squeeze mixture into egg.  Just throw bag away when done – easy clean up.

Reheating refrigerated bread such as biscuits, pancakes or muffins, place them in a microwave next to a cup of water.  The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

Newspaper the weeds away by putting torn newspaper in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil.  Put wet newspapers, layered, around the plants, overlapping as you go.  Cover with mulch and forget about weeds.  Weeds will get through some gardening plastic, but will not get through wet papers.

For broken glass, use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can’t see easily.

When vacuuming, to get something out of a heat register or under the fridge, add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum.  It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

To reduce static cling, pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress.  Same works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and…TaDa…static is gone.

Measuring cups, before adding sticky substances into a cup, fill the cup with hot water.  Dump out the hot water, but don’t dry cup.  Next, add your ingredient (peanut butter, honey, etc.) and watch how easily it comes out.

For a foggy windshield, take a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box.  When the windows fog up, rub with the eraser, it works better than a cloth.

If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, place the sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two.  It unseals easily.

Use hair conditioner to shave your legs.  It’s cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth.  It’s also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn’t like when you tried it in your hair.

To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it ½ with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well.  You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever.

Get rid of ants by putting small piles of cornmeal where you see them.  They eat it, take it home, but can’t digest it, so it kills them.  It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don’t have the worry about pets or small children being harmed.

Finally, some information about clothes dryers!  Take your lint filer out and run hot water in it.  Chances are the water will not leak out.  The lint filer is made of a mesh material.  That is because the dryer sheets cause a film over the mesh – that’s what burns out the heating unit.  You can’t see the film, but it’s there.  It’s what is in the dryer sheets to make your clothes soft and static free.  You know how the sheet feels waxy when you take it from the box?  Well this stuff builds up on your clothes and on the lint screen.  This is also what causes dryer units to potentially burn your house down.  The best way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take the filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an old toothbrush at least every six months.

Well, that’s it, peeps.  My domestic post to help you lead a better life, or maintain a cheaper budget, or whatever you got form this.

Now, do I have to punch you in the snot-locker?


Jamie said...

Snot locker...


Honestly, these were good, helpful tips. Not that I will remember any of them when I need to.

Thanks. :)

Golden To Silver Val said...

Well, THANK you for these. I am especially intrigued with the bananas one since they seem to ripen so dang fast and I end up wasting a few. I will try that little trick for sure and let you know if it works. (one can only make so much banana bread and muffins with their "over-ripe" bananas, you know)
Have a wonderful Easter and make lots of family memories.

The Reckmonster said...

OMG! Coffey - you have seriously just made my life so much easier today! I am getting ready to pull weeds in my landscaping beds in preparation for mulching. Those weeds get so friggin' out of control - and those damned liners don't work worth a shit! Now I have something to do with all of the newspapers - and for a helluva lot cheaper! That is THE best tip of the day. And from my UBER STRAIGHT friend. Thanks, mannnnnn!!!

Anonymous said...

I liked the tip about newspaper too! And the one about ants!! I've just started seeing those little buggers in the kitchen again!

suz said...

I've been using newspaper under mulch for years, but it's a pain in the ass to put down - IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME TO WET IT DOWN!!!!


Coffeypot said...

Jamie, copy it to a word file, print it out and put it on your frig door or in a cabinet door.

Val, I noticed that separate bananas did not ripe as fast, but, not being domesticated, I never though to post about it.

Reck, I here to please and make y'all's life easier.

TMMW, the ant thing might work, but it sounds like it will take too long, plus I thought ants took shit back to the hill or the unborn and the queen...but what do I know.

Suz, did it hurt your eyes when the light bulb above your head went on? It always does with me.

Dazee Dreamer said...

I totally loved the one about the deviled eggs. great, great idea.