Thursday, April 07, 2011

I've Lost My Nuts

There are some things in this world that you just don’t do, and one of the most important of these is you don’t uninvitedly fuck with a man’s nuts.

Let me explain.

I have this two tiered table next to my chair, and I keep a can or two of Spanish and/or salty peanuts on the bottom tier. Having a salty snack with a cold beer or diet Coke while blogging or watching TV is one of my few pleasures I have left in life. A couple of days ago I finished off the Spanish nuts and had over a half full can of peanuts left.

This afternoon I grabbed a cold bottle of diet Coke, plopped down in my recliner, put the laptop tray across my lap and reached for my can of peanuts. It was gone.

I yelled out, “Whose been messing with my nuts?” to the grandkids. “Not me.” they both laughed.

I then informed them quiet sternly that they should never mess with my nuts. Or any mans nuts for that matter. Bug said she never would (poor girl, if she only knew the fascination salty nuts have on women) and Mater called me gay.  GAY??!!  There is nothing happy about loosing my fucking nuts.

I did check the dog’s breath, too.  But there was nothing nut smelling there. And since they are both cut females, there shouldn’t have been any nut smells at all.

What to do? It’s such a helpless feeling when you are nutless.


Ed said...

"...said she never wood"

I think you meant "never would", but maybe that was an intended pun.

Hey, it works with the story.

And don't worry, you are still nuts.

Coffeypot said...

Thanks, Ed. It was a dumb ass mistake. I changed it.

middle child said...

Um...maybe you could carry your nuts around in a little bag tied around your neck!? You sure they aren't in Judy's puse?

middle child said...

OH FUCK!!!! I meant to say Judy's PURSE.

suz said...

HaHaHa! Classic Freudian slip there, MC!

j-tony said...

You're Lucky Coffeypot. I lost my nuts 10 years ago...the day I said "I do"...

Anonymous said...

And now the last piece of the puzzle falls into place.