Saturday, April 16, 2011

Proof That The World Is Nuts

                              The whole world is nuts.
     The only difference is the kind of shell we wear to protect us.

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female.  Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination.  He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse.  This also applies to undertakers.  The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than 'going blind!')
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
In Maryland , USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'
(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam, but high on the list!)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(Did our government pay for this research??)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Thank you all for reading this, if you need to reach me in the future I will be in Guam !!


j-tony said...

Hey I hear ya on the move to Guam save me a seat.

Mike Golch said...

I want that job as well.

Matty said...

Somehow I knew you would choose Guam.

Anonymous said...

When I read about Guam, I knew all the responses would point to that one, but I also know a few people who breathe through their asses too, since that's where their heads are most of the time.

Coffee Slut said...

omg...too funny!

suz said...

In Hong Kong, can a betrayed wife use a weapon to incapacitate her cheating husband, THEN kill him with her bare hands?

myevil3yearold said...

I wonder what the interview process is for the job in Guam?

Sarge Charlie said...


Anonymous said...

It didn't specify which head gets decapitated for masturbation! Was I the only one left wondering about this?

McGillicutty said...

and you know all this how?????

Tgoette said...

So what time is that flight leaving for Guam? I want to add "virgin deflowerer" to my resume!

Mr.Piggy said...

One more for the list:

A pig's orgasm can last for as long as 30 minutes.
(When I die, I want to be reincarnated as a breeding boar.)