Redneck Medical Terms

For those of you who have been following me for a while you know I used to publish Redneck Monday, but got away from it.  So, as a reminder of what it was like, here are some examples of how medical terms are hard for us Rednecks to understand.  I never knew our English was so close to those old time Latin type words.  

However, I probably won’t go back to RNM any time soon…if at all.  But y’all need some educationing on the redneck life style so a good redneck culture lesson every now and then will be good fer ya.

First, let me remind you of the difference atween a Redneck and a Hillbilly.  A Hillbilly lives in the hills, the mountain type terrain.  They are the dudes who work in the service stations, junk yards, drive dump trucks and work in the chicken houses.  The Rednecks are the ones who work out in the sun (thus getting the backs of their necks burnt brown.)  They are the farmers, the heavy equipment operators and the road crews (if they speak English that is) and construction workers.  Good folk, all!  Good to the heart, honest and will be your best friend or worst enemy. When the family is sick, suffering through a death, or in need in any way, it is the people who are at your door with food, tools, or whatever you need.  And no thanks are needed, either, cause they know you will be there for them in their need.

So…read and learn…

Benign - what you be, after you be eight.

Artery - the study of paintings.

Bacteria - back door to cafeteria.

Barium - what doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome.

Cat scan - searching for kitty.

Cauterize - made eye contact with her.

Coma - a punctuation mark.

D & C - where Washington is.

Dilate - to live long.

Enema - not a friend.

Fester - quicker than someone else.

Fibula - a small lie.

Genital - a non-Jewish person.

GI series - world series of military baseball.

Hangnail - what you hang your coat on.

Impotent - distinguished, well-known.

Labor pain - getting hurt at work.

Medical staff - a doctor’s cane.

Morbid - a higher offer.

Nitrates - cheaper than day rates.

Node - I knew it.

Outpatient - a person who has fainted.

Pap Smear - a fatherhood test.

Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative - a letter carrier.

Recovery room - place to do upholstery.

Rectum - darn near killed him.

Seizure - a Roman emperor.

Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport.

Tumor - one plus one more

Urine - opposite of you’re out.

Varicose - nearby / close by.