I’m in deep shit again. At the club the other night I hoisted my wineglass and said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my wife."
That won me the top prize at the club for the best toast of the night!
So I went home and told Judy, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "That's nice. And what was your toast?"
Thinking fast, I said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church beside my wife."
"Oh John, that is very nice indeed!" She said.
The next day, Judy ran into one of my club buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the club with a toast about you, Judy."
She said, "I know! He told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time, on Easter, I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."