Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Logic Behind Drinking Beer

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm.

"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members!

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

Now here is some more logical reasons to drink beer...

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

Babe Ruth


"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

Lyndon B. Johnson


"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Paul Horning

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!"

H. L. Mencken


"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

George Bernard Shaw


"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Benjamin Franklin


"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

Dave Barry



W. C. Fields


Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.

Professor Irwin Corey


To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group Salvation in a can!

Leo Durocher

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All true and logical.

John Coffey


Rita said...

I used that line in a post a few months ago about a guy I worked with that reminded me of Cliff.

lotta joy said...

I wish I could toss back beer. We have a nightly ritual here on the porch. Joe opens a beer and I get the top three inches. After that, it looses it's attractiveness.

Momma Fargo said...

LOL. I use the buffalo theory in cop work, but the beer theory...brilliant

myevil3yearold said...

I love those quotes... funny

j-tony said...

I totally agree with them all....think I'll go get a beer.