Tuesday, October 02, 2012

The Darwin Awards

An example...

The Darwin Awards are a tongue-in-cheek honor, originating in Usenet newsgroup discussions circa 1985.  They recognize individuals who have contributed to human evolution by self-selecting themselves out of the gene pool via death or sterilization due to their own (unnecessarily foolish) actions.  It's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.   Here are few examples...

When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.  He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.  This time it worked.

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.  Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.  The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.  When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.  When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.  The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.  The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If some-one points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.  So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.  The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.  The whole event was caught on videotape.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.  The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.  The frustrated gunman walked away.

Remember.... They walk among us … Sometimes the reproduce but hopefully they eliminate themselves from the gene pool before they do.


Janie Junebug said...

I always shoot people who take my parking space. Seriously, though, when I lived in Western Maryland and we had dreadful blizzards, fights broke out in some neighborhoods because someone would pull into a space someone else had shoveled out. At least we didn't have any shootings over parking. Hey, how was the reunion?


middle child said...

These were all really good. Truth really is stranger than fiction!

lotta joy said...

I'm glad you're back John. Seriously. Now all my chicks are in their nests and life makes sense again.

Really?! hmmm.... said...

Loved thr bus driver story...he is a brillant man!