Sunday, January 27, 2013

Who I Am - Who I Ever Will Be I Owe To My Mom

And My Dad Is Just As Responsible.  Blame Them!!!

Here are some things my mom taught me…

1.  My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside…I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.  My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.  Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My  mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother  taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My  mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25.  My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Only folks my age understand these profound statements!!!
But, there is one missing from this list and my personal all-time favorite!!

My father and mother taught me about CHOICE
"Do you want me to stop this car?"



lotta joy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lotta joy said...

I deleted my prior comment because it didn't make sense.

Okay. Here it is:

My mom taught me that whatever doesn't kill me, must not have been strong enough.

(This humor can only be appreciated when your mom had munchausen by proxy.)

Coffeypot said...

LJ, I wish I could bring her back to like so I could kill her for you for all she did to you.

Old NFO said...

I'm your brother from another mother... Heard ALL those over the years!!! :-)

Coffeypot said...

Old NFO, you must have been a good kid. I could hear most of these in one day...not that I deserved them.

Anonymous said...

Mom sure did have some super powers didn't she? Lets not forget about the power of science when she claimed she had eyes in the back of her head! Lol!

Miss Em said...

My mother told me that when I would have kids I would turn into her.
I thought she was kidding until I had kids.
That was when I heard everything she had said coming out of my mouth.
Damn! She was oh so right.

That Janie Girl said...

I think we have the same mommy.

Scary, that.