Monday, December 24, 2007

A Little Humor For You

This lady is hilarious. It's my intent to give you a little humor before the start of the Christmas celebrations.

UPDATE: Did y'all not go to the site blow? You have to copy and paste, but Mrs. Hughes is hilarious.

Also, this is some experts from one of the funniest game shows ever put on television. Hollywood Squares with Paul Lynde, Charley Weaver and the gang.

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when “Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course...
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q.When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh



HoosierGirl5 said...

I remember watching Hollywood Squares with my grandmother. She loved Paul Lynde and Peter Marshall.

Great one-liners, Coffeypot. They sound a little bit like you.

Merry Christmas!

When Darkness Falls... said...

I remember watching that show with my mom and dad when I was little. Paul Lynde was in the middle square and he always cracked my parents up! Of course, alot of the humor went over my head at the time. Along with the ones you mentioned, I also remember Charles Riley as being on there and funny. Those are some classic one-liners!

I hope you and your family have a great Christmas!

coffeypot said...

Hootergirl, J. I love the one liners. I real miss the Squares. The middle square has had some really funny people besides Paul Lynde. Great TV and I wish it was back on.

WDF- The show still playes on the Game Channel, but not as much as it use to.

I also though the lady in the clip was too funny. But I guess you will have to be... uh... more mature to appreciate the humor.

Merry Christmans to both of you, too.

RWA said...

That was one of the funniest game shows ever, coffeypot. Great stuff.

Merry Christmas to you and yours...

Beth said...

Brilliant! Loved that show. Paul Lynda was always my fave, but the rest were a hoot, too.

Happy Christmas, Uncle!!!

katy said...

HAHAHA i will never grow old!
Wishing you and Sweet tea a wonderful christmas x

Palm Springs Savant said...

Coffeypot- fun post. I used to love the old Hollywood was good stuff. I see you met Hoosier Girl..that was nice of you to treat her to dinner!

Rising Rainbow said...

Oh, god, I do remember those days!

Biddie said...

Happy Holidays, Coffey! best wishes for a wonderful Christmas!

GrizzBabe said...

A pineapple and a twenty?

Anyway, happy holidays, coffeypot! Hope you have a good one.

HoosierGirl5 said...

I just noticed you called me "Hooter Girl" not "Hoosier Girl"! You're a stinker!

I hope you're having a peaceful day.


PS. You're saving the "I Met Hoosier Girl and She Was Awesome" post for after Christmas, right? (wink)

Old Lady said...

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

e.Craig said...

Thanks for the laffs and Merry Christmas, Coffeypot.

Anonymous said...

...I was to busy growing strawberries. What a laugh!

Merry Christmas, Coffeypot!

Pamela said...

point and laugh. (:
This was tooo much fun

Pamela said...

ps. Don Knotts, Tim Conway, and Carol Burnette are my most favorite comediens.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Ha ha ha, my mother loved this show! I never see it any more now that she's passed, but you've just reminded me why she loved it.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

No silly, what did you get for Christmas?

Hot Lemon said...

ha!! Those were great. Ooooh, for th' old days when people could think quick on their feet!!

clew said...

OMG, I can remember laughing my head off at Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares when I was a kid. He was SO funny!!!

I used to love Matchgame, too. I was pretty young to be digging that kind of humor I guess, but I was kind of a weird - I mean precocious - kid.

Pamela said...

ps. that video wasn't available when I checked it

coffeypot said...

Pamela, you can go to youtube and search for Mrs Hughes. You should be able to find it then.

Nekked Lizard Lady said...

TOO funny. I'm with Pamela. My favorites are still the Burnette gang, Carol, Tim Conway, etc. Comedies just have not been the same. Oh, and Jack Benny... he's my absolute all-time hero!! I want to be like him when I grow up.

P.S. NLM just laughs and giggles in his chair at night. I'll ask him what he's reading, and he'll say "coffeepot". Nekked Lizards

Burfica said...

Oh I so love Hollywood Squares. Cracks me up.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Paul is Biker Buddy's Brother, my brother-in-law.

We're on the road.

Looks like yr busy too.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

An older man approaches a younger woman inside a shopping mall.

"Excuse me," he said.

"I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, "Sure. Do you know where your wife might be?"

"I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she appears out of nowhere."

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

A little humor is important at this time of year. At every time of year. Happy New Year!