Friday, December 21, 2007

My Christmas Story

This is my Christmas story. It’s very moving, so, if you are the emotional type, stop reading now.

Little Johnny came up to his mother and asked, “Mama, what am I going to get for Christmas?”

Mama said, “Not a damn thing. You’ve been a little shit all year long.”

Little Johnny whined, “But mmaaaa maaaaa, it’s Christmas.”

Mama said, “Okay! Since the real meaning of Christmas it the celebration of the Baby Jesus’ birthday I want you to go to your room and write the Baby Jesus a letter telling him how bad your have been all year and how you are going to change. Then, if He likes the letter you MIGHT get something for Christmas.”

He takes off to his room, sits at his desk with a pencil and paper and prints, “Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a bad boy all year long and I promise that for the next 6 months I’ll…”
He pauses and thinks, “That is an awfully long time. Maybe I had better not commit to such a long time. He wads the paper into a ball and flings it over his shoulder, and begins again.

“Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a bad boy all year, but I promise that for the next month I’ll…” He stops and thinks to himself, “This is December and we have Christmas parties at school and church and New Years Eve parties, too. I’d better not commit to that length of time, either.” So he wads that paper up and slings it over his shoulder, and starts again.

“Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a bad boy all year long, but I promise that for the next…” He rips the paper up and wads it into a ball thinking, “Ah, hell! He knows me better than that.”

He runs down to the Nativity scene and grabs the Big V (Mary) and runs back to his room, locks her in his desk drawer and writes, “Dear Baby Jesus, If you ever want to see your mother again…”

Sniff, sniff. It gets to me every year.


Randy and Kim said...

Oh man, that had me in tears. Such warmth and compassion rarely shown today in society. Does Johnny have a trenchcoat? In any case, I will be sure to share this delightful story to my children and their children for years to come. NLL


Olly said...

Lovely story, pass the tissues.

e.Craig said...

That is one resourceful kid!

Cooper Green said...

Little Johnny went on to become one of the Three Wise Guys, probably the one who gave the Baby Jesus myrrh for Christmas. His thinking was pretty good: nobody knows what myrrh is, and since it sounds like something you cough up when you have the flu, it must be ugly. So Little Johnny put some dog food in a Ziploc bag, tossed it in the manger and said to Baby Jesus, "Here's some myrrh. Don't forget me, pal". Chalk up one future miracle.

katy said...

you had me going there for a while LOL

Teri said...

I've never read anything more warm and moving before in my life.

thanks, coffeypot. the spirit of christmas has been restored in my heart.

Alekx said...

I'm not sure I want to see God's swat team when they come to rescue the Big V

I'm just saying

Brother Dave said...

Little Johnny is definitely CIA material.

HoosierGirl5 said...

So touching. And exactly the kind of Christmas story I would expect from you.


Pamela said...

touched.. yes... I'm touched. (;

Pamela said...

tell Cooper green that Myrrh was something used in the burying process.

coffeypot said...

The Lizzard Clan, Olly, E.Craig and Teri: It is a touching story. I am so impressed with the entrepreneurial spirit of one so young. He will definitely grow up to be corporate executive somewhere. Probably as a televangelist!

Cooper, Pamela said it. It for the dead! Evidently it keeps the body from stinking; like some of your jokes that keep me laughing.

Katy, but it was still touching, don’t you think?

Alekx – Holy Hot Shot, I bet it will only take one lightning bolt, too.

Brother Dave, I can also see him as running the CIA, the FBI, the NSA, and the BSA. EIEIO!

Lorelai said...

Priceless funny! Merry Christmas to you and yours :-)

RWA said...

That is outstanding, coffeypot. I am going to save that one for future reference at the holidays.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I hope you had a good Christmas--and that you have a great new year!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...


Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

LOL! What a riot. Pictures PLEASE! I'll have to check Marni's site.

Do you growl when you wear the leopard-skin mask?

Hmm a portable water purifier--I had/have some of those for backpacking. Never occurred to me to use them for other purposes. KL!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Have fun--but not too much! :-D

I'm going to be visiting some other bloggers that you are "acquainted with."