Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The Real Night Before Christmas


The Parents Version

Twas the night before Christmas
when all through the house
I searched for the tools
to hand to my spouse.

Instructions were studied
and we were inspired,
in hopes we could manage
"Some Assembly Required."

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
while Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
a kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's townhouse to boot!
And now, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes,
my heart skipped a beat—
let no parts be missing
or parts incomplete!

Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
if we can't get it right, it goes straight to the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear
but 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not too clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
so if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
all over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!

Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
to keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
with "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
till our eyes, they went blurry; our fingers all hurt.

The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
we fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.

But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
and not run to the store for one single thing!

We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
for the perfect, most magical, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose
I gratefully went, though I suppose
there's something to say for those self-deluded—
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!
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CindyDianne said...

Oh, that's so true. I faced a few of these, by myself, during my single days. Fortunately, I am below average with a screw driver! ;-)

Jan said...

That definitely brings back many memories! LOL In fact, I just told my daughter the other day...check to see what batteries are needed BEFORE you wrap the presents!! LOL

Burfica said...

I'm so glad I'm not the dad. hehehehehe I just have to cook, and wrap. All which can be done early and with kids awake.

Brother Dave said...

That surely states it like it is.

Enjoy the season and all that goes with it.

chesneygirl said...

Very clever... but VERY TRUE!!!
Love it!

Pamela said...

now you have to figure out if the foreign country that built it, knew what the instructions were going to say.

I always try to buy batteries and send along with the ones to my grandkids.

When I was a kid I was lucky to get a clean underwear for Christmas. My dad did not believe in the hooopla.