Okay guys! The pity fest is over. I'm back to my asshole self, but I do thank you guys for your support. Occasionally I have these little episodes. Next time just ignore me like you were a Baptist in a Liquor Store.
What do you do? I’m in a kind of funk and I don’t know what to do.
I read many blogs each day, some on my blog roll and some I scan from those blog rolls. I read about your problems, your health, your internal battles with your demons, your arguments with family and friends and your frustrations with schools and work and church and IT help from India. I commiserate with you. I sometimes comment. But I have no such outlet.
I don’t have any close friends or BFF’s. My choice. Best friends will stab you in the back. They will use you and drain you of every bit of energy your sole possesses. They cannot keep a secret. They have best friends, too, that may or may not know you that they can confide in over your secret. Then that BFF will tell their BFF, who, by the way, does know you, and the secret is out. I had rather face an enemy than confide in a friend. At least you know the enemy is out to hurt you and you can respond in the appropriate manner.
I don’t talk about stuff that bothers me. Mostly I just keep them in until I explode, then the damage is done. You can’t take back words. The closest I could come would be in blogging about it. Mainly because you don’t really give a shit because you have your own problems to deal with, and probably nothing would change. Another reason I don’t blog about my demons is my family reads my blog. If I wanted them to know anything I would tell them. But if I don’t want them to know, then what do I do?
Hell, I don’t think anyone would even understand, anyway.
Don’t worry! I’m not having women problems (dammit) and I didn’t just discover that I am queer as a football bat. I don’t have an incurable medical problem (unless you consider an enlarged prostate, diabetes and heart disease an incurable medical problem.)
It’s just that I am in a funk and there is no one to talk too over a cold beer. I know, it’s my fault for keeping people at arms length - out of self preservation, but there are times that it would be nice to be able to confide in someone and feel safe. NAH! Ain’t gonna happen.
I’ve told you this much, now let’s see if it stays between us. See!!! It’s out already.
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