"Hello. You have reached MeMaw and PawPaw.
We're not able to come to the phone right now.
If you are one of our children, press 1 and state your name; then select from one of the following:
If you need us to watch your children, press 2.
If you want to borrow our car, press 3.
If you want us to do your laundry, press 4.
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5.
If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6.
If you want us to have you to dinner on Sunday or to bring it to your house, press 7.
If you need money, press 8.
If you are calling to invite us to dinner or a movie, start talking - we are listening."
As for my answering machine: