Judy and I are leaving this evening for East Brunswick, NJ. We are driving up to surprise her mom, Dot (seen above working her crossword puzzle,) for Mother’s Day.
We will be staying in a motel, but, alas, there will be no nude blogging this time. Well…maybe semi-nude. Why? Because Dot lives in a senior living center and it is very small, thus the motel.
She comes down for a visit twice a year; Christmas and some in the summer. So we (Judy) thought we would return the favor this year and surprise her. Judy does have a sister living close to Dot, but Kay is a Jehovah Witness, and we know how they love to ignore holidays or celebrations. So Dot gets lonely on special days.
As for being a mother-in-law, she’s pretty good. She stays away, doesn’t offer advice, and is a great guest when she comes for a visit. But most of all, she loves me. She thinks I am the best thing since vibrators. So she does have excellent taste.
Dot is, however, a hypochondriac. She takes over 30 different Rx's during the day; at meals, after meals and at night - plus patches on her arm for pain. She takes stool softeners and med's to stop diarrhea. In fact, I think she died three years ago, but the medications are keeping her functioning.
Anymotherinlaw, in her honor I would like to present, for your reading pleasure, some things you will never hear a mom say.
Things Mom Would Never Say
"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."
"Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery."
"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week."
"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day."
"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
"I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve."
"Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve."
And my favorite…
“Don’t bother cleaning your room. All the clothes and dirty plates give the room character."
I’ll be checking in over the weekend, though. But if I miss it, all you muther’s out there have a great day.