Saturday, May 05, 2012

The Happiest Wife In Georgia

I am an awesome husband, yes I am. I have the ability to make my wife one of the happiest women on earth and it takes little effort on my part. I’m that good.

And it only cost me $.99.

You see, living out in the country among all the horses and chicken farms, we have our share of flies. Pesky little buggers! And a bitch to get rid of! So I put up four fly traps along the fence line and around the garbage can. They are so functional that I have to replace them each week. They fill up so fast.

But a few will get off course and end up in the house. Neither one of us enjoy them and their aerobatics. So we get bloodthirsty (do flies have blood) and kill the little fuckers when we can. But Judy will not let me spray the fly spray in the house. So I went out and bought fly swatters. For $.99! That is two for $.99 at Wal Mart. She has a red one and I have a blue one.

And Judy went wild. She is swatting flies all over the place.

I have dubbed her The Fly Killer. And she goes on the deck swatting flies like a MLB player at batting practice. She slap's them on the side of the house, on the deck furniture, even on the deck, and on the door (which makes a noise the scares the dogs and they climb all over me (over 90 lbs each.)

So I give you The Fly Killer…the Happiest Woman In Georgia…if not the world.

Told you I was awesome!


Janie Junebug said...

Of course you're awesome, Darling. I wish I had a fly swatter. I can't find them in any of the stores here. I guess Floridians don't care if flies get in their houses, but I care.

Janie Lola

Suz said...

You're a good man, Coffeypot! (I think I'm jealous.)

Symdaddy said...

Hmmmm! Now you've got me thinking about what I can get for my wife's 50th!!!

She'll love it!

I hope!

Anonymous said...

I can "one up" you. Fill a spray bottle with rubbing alcohol. One good shot is all it takes to asphyxiate a fly. You can even catch them in mid-air. Side benefits include: no squashy mess, any surface the fly was on is disinfected. Try it, it's way more fun than a fly swatter.

lotta joy said...

The best thing I ever bought was one of those "zapper" fly swatters. It looks like a miniature tennis racket and all you have to do is meet anything (flys or WASPS) midair! And watch the beautiful lightning and listen to the ZAP. But never, ever, stick the tip of your tongue on it. just sayin'.

That Janie Girl said...

You Are Awesome!

Can I please borrow Judy?

I hate flies. Bugs. Anything like that.


Momma Fargo said...

Whodathunk? Go, Judy! Go, Judy!

middle child said...

Coffey-I can't seem to follow your blog! I will try again for the third time. But I just wanted to thank you for all your comments. Esp. this last one on smoking. And yes, I value you comments very much.

dc said...

OK I can one up you! When we lived on our little farm a few years ago, I was washing the propane tank one evening and the wet tank attracted some horse flys. Now they are big suckers! So later when we would get bored we would hose the tank down and swat away! We always felt we were helping the horses out to boot!