Albert's Trip To The Store

 

A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It is obvious to her that Gramps has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle; cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda in their respective aisles.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long--easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, "It's okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

Finally at the checkout counter, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps, again in a controlled voice says, "Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert."

Extremely impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She says, "You know, sir, it's none of my business, but you were simply amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. Albert is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks, lady," said Gramps, "I'm Albert--the little shit's name is John!"

Beware Of Strange Men In The Grocery Store

Some men would tell their daughters that after the experience they had today.

I was at the grocery store today browsing the cereal aisle for a box of cereal that would knock the shit out of me. I have been constipated, bloated and irritable lately, so I thought I would get something that would ream me out - but taste good going down.

As I was pondering which bran was more toxic, a man and his daughter walked by. She looked to be around eleven or twelve and very cute. Another young girl came around the corner of the aisle and the two screamed and grabbed each others hands. Since they looked to be about the same age and they knew each others names, I assumed they were friends. I’m pretty smart when it comes to things like that.

Anyway, I was pondering which fruit would go best with which ever box of barn I chose when I heard the friend say to the man’s daughter, “Your dad is so hot.” I glanced over at the dad and he was smiling and had his chest inflated a bit. Then I heard the daughter say, “Eweeeeeuuuu.” The man’s smile faded and his chest fell to his belly. I started to laugh.

All three look at me and I laughingly said to the daughter, “Its okay, honey. I know how you feel. My parents NEVER had sex either.” Then both girls said, “Eweeeeeuuuu.” And I said, “Exactly!” I then reached up and grabbed the first box of shit-kicking cereal I could get my hands on and walked on down the aisle.

I didn’t hear it, but I bet the dad was warning the daughter about strangers in the store.