Veterans Day – Mike Royko Style

This is not a typical Veterans Day post.  Y'all know I love and respect the dudes and dudetts who served and are serving, but this puts a different aspect to the day.

The late Mike Royko was an Air Force veteran of the Korean era and a Pulitzer Prize wining journalist out of Chicago.



Posted in Life in the Military, Why We Serve on November 8, 2010 By CJ Grisham

Matt, from Blackfive.net sent this to CJ and he wanted to share it.  Matt also publishes it ever year on his site, so maybe we’ll also make it an annual tradition. It doesn’t get any more direct and to the point than this:


I just phoned six friends and asked them what they will be doing on Monday.

They all said the same thing: working.

Me, too.

There is something else we share. We are all military veterans.

And there is a third thing we have in common. We are not employees of the federal government, state government, county government, municipal government, the Postal Service, the courts, banks, or S & Ls, and we don’t teach school.

If we did, we would be among the many millions of people who will spend Monday goofing off.

Which is why it is about time Congress revised the ridiculous terms of Veterans Day as a national holiday.

The purpose of Veterans Day is to honor all veterans.

So how does this country honor them?…

…By letting the veterans, the majority of whom work in the private sector, spend the day at their jobs so they can pay taxes that permit millions of non-veterans to get paid for doing nothing.

As my friend Harry put it: “First I went through basic training. Then infantry school. Then I got on a crowded, stinking troop ship that took 23 days to get from San Francisco to Japan. We went through a storm that had 90 percent of the guys on the ship throwing up for a week.

“Then I rode a beat-up transport plane from Japan to Korea, and it almost went down in the drink. I think the pilot was drunk.

“When I got to Korea, I was lucky. The war ended seven months after I got there, and I didn’t kill anybody and nobody killed me.

“But it was still a miserable experience. Then when my tour was over, I got on another troop ship and it took 21 stinking days to cross the Pacific.

“When I got home on leave, one of the older guys at the neighborhood bar — he was a World War II vet — told me I was a —-head because we didn’t win, we only got a tie.

“So now on Veterans Day I get up in the morning and go down to the office and work.

“You know what my nephew does? He sleeps in. That’s because he works for the state.

“And do you know what he did during the Vietnam War? He ducked the draft by getting a job teaching at an inner-city school.

“Now, is that a raw deal or what?”

Of course that’s a raw deal. So I propose that the members of Congress revise Veterans Day to provide the following:

- All veterans — and only veterans — should have the day off from work. It doesn’t matter if they were combat heroes or stateside clerk-typists.

Anybody who went through basic training and was awakened before dawn by a red-neck drill sergeant who bellowed: “Drop your whatsis and grab your socks and fall out on the road,” is entitled.

- Those veterans who wish to march in parades, make speeches or listen to speeches can do so. But for those who don’t, all local gambling laws should be suspended for the day to permit vets to gather in taverns, pull a couple of tables together and spend the day playing poker, blackjack, craps, drinking and telling lewd lies about lewd experiences with lewd women. All bar prices should be rolled back to enlisted men’s club prices, Officers can pay the going rate, the stiffs.

- All anti-smoking laws will be suspended for Veterans Day. The same hold for all misdemeanor laws pertaining to disorderly conduct, non-felonious brawling, leering, gawking and any other gross and disgusting public behavior that does not harm another individual.


- It will be a treasonable offense for any spouse or live-in girlfriend (or boyfriend, if it applies) to utter the dreaded words: “What time will you be home tonight?”

- Anyone caught posing as a veteran will be required to eat a triple portion of chipped beef on toast, with Spam on the side, and spend the day watching a chaplain present a color-slide presentation on the horrors of VD.

- Regardless of how high his office, no politician who had the opportunity to serve in the military, but didn’t, will be allowed to make a patriotic speech, appear on TV, or poke his nose out of his office for the entire day. Any politician who defies this ban will be required to spend 12 hours wearing headphones and listening to tapes of President Clinton explaining his deferments.

Now, deal the cards and pass the tequila.

- Mike Royko

Seriously, folks…

Veterans Day

Today is Veteran's Day. I posted this back in 2006 and I wanted to bring it back this year; not because I am a great writer. Read the damn thing and you will know that I am anything but. However I am bringing it back simply because it was from my beginning and not that many read it. But with all the hoorahs and thank you’s, there is something I don’t see mentioned to often concerning our vets. It’s the change a veteran goes though.

These are men and women who left their homes, family and friends to serve their country. Some were drafted, some, like today’s military, volunteered, and some were sent as a condition of not going to jail.

Each had his/her own reasons for joining and some paid with their life. But the bottom line is, they served. They may not have liked it - probably hated it - but they stayed to the end. Some stayed many years and retired. But they were all changed; some profoundly.

No matter what they did or became after their service, for a while they were heroes. I read the book and saw the TV series on A Band of Brothers, the stories of a company of 101st Air Bone Rangers who dropped behind the lines in France the day before D-Day. One of the men was the sergeant – and I apologize that I don’t remember his name – who received repeated praise for his heroism and sound judgment and leadership. After the war the demons got to him and he died alone in San Francisco a drunk and made a living as a cab driver. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a cab driver. The point is, there was a time when he was strong, proud, and brave. Simply a hero.

That’s just one of millions of stories about our vets. After serving they went different ways and pursued different paths in life. They have their memories and their own stories. If you want to be fascinated and blessed, just take the time to ask them what they did in the service. Some won’t, or can’t, answer. That’s okay, too. Just be aware that they have their demons because they were serving our country. Thank them anyway.

Thanks, guys and gals. OOH RAH!

For The Troops

Lizzie Palmer is a 15 year-old who made this and other videos and can be found under her name at YouTube.com.



Also, she encourages you to go to thisisforthesoldiers.com and sign a petition in support of the troops. I did! It will not cost you anything, but may make you feel a little better knowing the troops can count on you on this Veterans Day.