Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Happy Politically Incorrect Thanksgiving

This may be my last post before Thanksgiving because we will be packing and moving the next two days so I want to wish all my peeps and their friends and family a happy and calorie filled Thanksgiving and enjoy your couch and football games.

But I can't go without leaving you with some snarky, politically incorrect comments to carry you through the holiday.  Enjoy…or not…I don’t care!


A man calls 911 and says “I think my wife is dead.  
The operator says, “How do you know?”  
He says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!”

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.  
I said "You're pulling my leg."

My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine check-up today and everything seemed to be going fine... until he stuck his index finger up my butt!
Do you think it’s time to change dentists?

A wife says to her husband, “You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.”
And he says “What do you expect?  You're in a wheelchair!”

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.  She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

My wife has been missing a week now.  The police said to prepare for the worst.  
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that ”iTouch Kids” is not a good product name.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of their bomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles… but at least they drive slowly past schools.

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a mustache."


Unknown said...

Warm Thanksgiving Wishes to you and your family.

Unknown said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you - don't strain anything!

blueeyedtawni said...

a safe thanksgiving and dont over do it too much. hugs!

Janie Junebug said...

Best wishes with your move. Happy Thanksgiving dear one.


Rita said...

Have a really warped Thanksgiving Coffey.

The cow joke reminded me of a funny (true) story.

Couple years back my husband worked with a real idiot. Idiot was telling Bob about having to be taken to the hospital the night before with chest pains. Over and over again, Mr. Einstein told Bob, "They threw me on a guernsey as soon as I came through the door."

We never talk about anyone in a hospital now without wondering if their riding on some cow.

Here's to a guernsey-less holiday.

Rita said...


dc said...

Hope the move goes smooth. It will be fun to get moved and live "close" LOL My 87 year old sister in law lives on our lower level and it has worked out very well. Good Luck.