Special Notice From The Pentagon

 

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the "United States Redneck Special Forces".

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by next Friday.

New York or Bust

 
**EDIT** I left the house yesterday at 2:00 p.m. and I haven't had any sleep since. Well, I kinda did. I think I slept from just outside Harrisburg, PA, through Maryland and West Virginia and woke up as I was coming into Winchester, VA. I'm talented like that. Kinda like one of those "Watch This Shit..." things us Southern boys are use too. So I am in a motel and will try to get some shut eye - if I can get off this damn computer. But I have a few favs I have to check out first. TaTa!

It's that time of month, again. I am off to New York for another transport of man's best friend. I have another one scheduled on the 27th, too. The Vietnamese and Chinese restaurants must be running specials this month.

Anyways, some of you people of the Northern persuasion often have a difficult time understand God’s chosen language, English, spoken the way it should be spoken. So to help you understand the King’s English a little better, here is a translation chart for ya. I will start with Medical Terminology.

Arteery............The study of fine paintings.
Barium.............What you do if CPR fails.
Benign.............After you be eight.
Cesarean Section...A district in Rome.
Colic..............A sheep dog.
Coma...............A punctuation mark.
Congenital.........Friendly.
Dilate.............To live longer.
Fester.............Quicker.
G.I. Series........Baseball for soldiers.
Grippe.............A small suitcase.
Hangnail...........A coat-hook.
Medical Staff......A doctor’s cane.
Minor Operation....Coal digging.
Morbid.............A higher offer.
Nitrate............Lower than day rate.
Node...............Was aware of.
Organic............A church musician.
Outpatient.........A patient who has fainted.
Post-Operative.....A letter carrier.
Protein............In favor of young people.
Secretion..........Hiding something.
Serology...........Study of English Knighthood.
Tablet.............A small table.
Tumor..............An extra pair.
Urine..............Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose veins.....Veins that are close together.

Now, don’t ya feel smarter?

You’re welcome!