An Elderly Man Gets Screwed For His Birthday

Your lesson for today…

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a Medicine Man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for. The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine, and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "But what was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls and peeps, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
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A Couple of Humurous Nothings

These two are from my friend, Julie.


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It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
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Camel Toe For You

For you single ladies out there, this post is for you in hopes it will enhance your chances of finding that certain someone.

After all, you already wear eye shadow, eye liner, eye lashes, lipstick, powder, foundation and support garments designed by an MIT graduates and a Mr. T starter kit in baubles. All a man needs is Viagra or Extenze.

It is the perfect accoutrement to your tennis shorts, swim suit, and those stretch pants worn by women who have no business showing belly hangover, cellulite bumps and whale tails.

 

 

Your are welcome!

Click to bigger size. I wish that worked for men...