Obumper Stickers

FINALLY THE BUMPER STICKERS ARE GETTING BETTER!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

November Prediction

Come on NOVEMBER!  And No Protection Required!!!

And one hole up from the usual, too.

Forbes On Obama

Forbes Magazine, in their September 27th issue says that '...Obama is the most anti-business president in a generation, perhaps in American history.' If you care about this country and you still believe in this imbecile, please take the time to read this article.

http://www.forbes.com/global/2010/0927/issues-socialism-capitalism-obama-business-problem.html

It still amazes me that any American (I don't care about the illegal’s) can still support and believe in this Marxist Socialist. This is what you get for electing a man full of hate and racism. We can start neutralizing him next month and kick is ass out in 2012.


Just keep the faith.
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Saturday Night Cat Humor

Here's a little Saturday Night Cat Humor for you peeps.  I have been sitting here with my granddaughter, Bug, watching videos she has found around the net.  Her sense of humor is as great as her Paw Paw's.

The New Fall Hat

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It'll soon be the new rage!
Wouldn't you like to own the rights?

Think of the money to be made!!!

    THE NEW FALL HAT

 

ACORN CAP

              (with the nut still attached)

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MAN Test

Okay, guys. With all this man-bashing from the weaker, more dependant sex, it’s time to see if you really are a man. Just take the test below and see how your faired at the end.

Good Luck and let the test begin:

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to " Tuna Town ."

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling with a woman you have just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. I hope we can still be friends.
B. I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.
C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population....YOU.

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Evaluating Results:

If you answered A more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.

If you answered B more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.

If you answered C more than 7 times, YOU DA MAN!

Why Men Can't Take Phone Messages

Halloween PartyTime - I'm Here To Help

You know it!!! Halloween is just around the corner and you will be going to the ubiquitous costume parties held at schools, churches, and in various neighborhoods. But what to wear? Who or what to dress as? Not an easy decision, I know.

So to save you some time and worry, I took it upon myself to do some extensive research into the best costumes to wear and have come up with some awesome ideas you party people.

You’re welcome!!

My Personal Favorite

Spider Man

Sheep Man

Retired Hooter's Girls

Elvis "Hunk-a Ton o Love"

Wonder What??!!

Dick Man

Oh God Help Us!!!

Have of any better ones? Let me see’em and I’ll post them for ya.

Just A Weeee Bit

"An extraordinarily handsome man (I know, I know, but it's not me this time) decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, " They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice ... pigeon-toed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

"Well, "the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell … cross-eyed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better.  So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,

"She's perfect, just perfect.  She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.  When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.  He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the Redneck, "she was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell ... pregnant when you met her."
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The Check Out Line

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:


A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
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USS Cole (DDG 67) - Ten Years Ago Today - Lest We Forget

(you can click to bigger size the picture)

Steve Compton sent a message to the members of A Patriotic Song on Facebook.

Subject: 10/12...ten years ago today the USS Cole (DDG 67) was attacked!

Everybody, we wanted to remind you of this...


The USS Cole bombing was a suicide attack against the U.S. Navy destroyer USS Cole on October 12, 2000, ten years ago today, while it was harbored and refueling in the Yemeni port of Aden.


17 American sailors were killed, and 39 were injured.


The terrorist organization al-Qaeda claimed responsibility for the attack.


Many claim this was the prerequisite to the 9/11 attack.

As in the closing of any correspondence concerning my ship, USS Frank E. Evans (DD754), the same mantra can be attributed to the USS Cole:

Lest We Forget
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I Want Your Money

Why Can't The Liberal's Understand This?

Redneck Monday - A Sensative Heart

As you have seen over these past few Mondays that rednecks have a great way with words and sayings and stuff, but they also have a big, sensitive heart, too. For example, back home there were these three rednecks, Cooter, Bubba and Junior, who were working up on a cell phone tower.


At the end of the day as they start their descent from the tower, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Junior says, ‘Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.

Bubba says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Junior says, 'Where did you get that beer, Bubba?'

'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Bubba replies.

'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?'

'Well…not exactly', Bubba says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Cooter's widow, and she said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'

‘Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'

Rednecks are good at that sensitive stuff.

Ward Cleaver Is In The House - Check Him Out

Peeps, one of my favorite blog sites is ‘June Cleaver’ at 3’s A Charm  has talked, forced, threatened, beg, pleaded and just plain told her husband to start his own blog.  It’s a good thing she did because ’Ward Cleaver’ has the best jokes and cartoons ever.

Normally he post on Fridays (I guess because that’s all the limelight June would allow him) but if he finds some good stuff during the week, I’m sure he will post more often.  

He can be found at Ward Takes The Floor . Check him out and start following him.  It is all about Cleaning Out The Trash.

Friday Humor and Observations

A little Friday Humor and Helpful Some Observations.

(Also, click on the picture to bigger size it.)

 

A Hug is like a perfect gift.  One size fits all and nobody minds if you exchange it.

May your troubles be less,
Your blessings be more
And nothing but happiness
Come through your door.

Lucky Me - by Helen Cronin - A Tribute To Our Service Men and Women

I got this from our Canadian neighbor, Basinah, over at her place, The Crow's Song .



She has a few close friends doing the hard stuff for the Canadian Armed Forces ‘over there’, too. Yet she also gives her support to our guys and gals every chance she gets. Give her a visit sometimes.

She writes from the heart.

Maxine's Halloween Video

With the Halloween season just ahead, you ladies (especially you single ones) out there need to take some advice from our favorite snarky lady, Maxine.




Advice given!

You're welcome!
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John Deere And The Bedroom

I was passing by Harry's barn one day when through a gap in the door I see him doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.


Butt clenched, he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right boot, followed by the left.

He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his suspenders fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his jeans.

Grabbing both sides of his plaid shirt he rips it apart to reveal his beer stained t-shirt underneath and with a final flourish he tosses his ball cap on to a haystack.

"What in tarnation are you doin', Harry?" I asked.

"Whoa CP, ya scared the heck outta me" says an obviously embarrassed Harry, "but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the therapist said I should do somethin' sexy to a tractor."

“Damn, Harry,” I consloe, “I haven’t noticed anything wrong with her in the bedroom.”

“Well, no wonder, CP.” he said exasperated. “She is your sister, ain’t she?”

I do love my redneck friends and in-laws…

An Open Letter To Obama From Lou Pritchett

An Open Letter to Obama from Lou Pritchett


It is completely confirmed by Snopes:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/youscareme.asp

A letter from Lou Pritchett, PROCTER & GAMBLE EXECUTIVE to the PRESIDENT

Lou Pritchett is one of corporate America's true living legends-an acclaimed author, dynamic teacher and one of the world's highest rated speakers. Successful corporate executives everywhere recognize him as the foremost leader in change management.

Lou changed the way America does business by creating an audacious concept that came to be known as "partnering." Pritchett rose from soap salesman to Vice-President, Sales and Customer Development for Procter and Gamble and over the course of 36 years, made corporate history.



Dear President Obama:

You are the 13th President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me.

You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you.

You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.

You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core.

You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others.

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations.

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.

You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaugh's, Hannity's, O'Reilly's and Beck's who offer opposing, conservative points of view.

You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term, I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.

Lou Pritchett


This letter was sent to the NY Times but they never acknowledged it.
No big surprise.
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Nuclear Stress Test Time

I know I am mistaken for a Greek God all the time (even though I am an Irish/Cherokee American), but even the Greek statues have cracks.


I have been having a little pain in my chest and left arm. Nothing serious, just some discomfort (kinda like a gas pain only higher.) It occurs when I am at my laziness. Like when I spend all day in my chair with the laptop on my lap-tray. So I decided to go see the cardiologist.

He said everything sounds good, I look good (as we all know) and everything seems to be working the way it should. BUT (there is always a ‘but’ in my life) I have only had one stress test since I had my heart attack back in aught four. So we scheduled one for this past Monday.

No food, no prescriptions, no diet coke, no beer, nothing by mouth (other than water - without Scotch) after midnight on Sunday (isn’t that actually Monday morning?). So I go into the office, nerves on end because, one, I haven’t had my morning coffee and, two, I HATE NUCULAR STRESS TEST. I had rater French Kiss Obama than take one. But there are things in life we have to bite the bullet and do. So there I was standing in the doctor’s office in front of the lady behind the desk.

I filled out some release forms (in case I kick-off during the test and they want to say it wasn’t their fault for FORCING me to go beyond any conceivable limits I would ever put myself through while radio isotope type shit is running through my veins) and that I would be responsible for the amount over what the insurance would be paying.

So I ask her how much that would be and she said, “Ummm! You have this insurance and they will pay 80%, so you part will be $640.00.”

“WHAT?” I ask kinda loudly, grabbing my chest and staggering like Redd Foxx on Sanford and Son.

“Oh, you want have to pay it all today…” she nervously tried to say.

“Or not at all.” I came back at her. I tossed the from I had just filled out on her desk and told her to cancel my appointment and walked out.  Hell, SHE almost gave me a heart attack with that tidbit of information, and she wasn't that good looking enought to die for.

So I have decided to fix the little problem the holistic way. I won’t sit in my easy chair all day anymore. I’ll go over to the desk top and work from there. It’s more ergonomic, anyway.

Oh! And I was kidding about kiss Obama.

I had rather have the heart attack.

The World Is Raising It's Level's Of Terrorist Threats

With all the hullabaloo over terrorist threats this week, the world has raised their threat levels.


The English, for example, are feeling the pinch and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA".  Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

No need to worry, now.

My Grandson's Marching Band Competition

This is a video of my grandson's marching band competition held at the Armuchee Invitational Marching Band Competition at the Armuchee High School in Rome, GA, this past weekend.


That’s J-Man in the black uniform with the foo foo feathers sticking out of his band hat and blowing a horn. Good-looking isn’t he.

Grandson bias aside, I think they were awesome.

Redneck Monday - A Bag Of Hot Air?

It's that time of the week again, folks.  Time to give you some more sayings from my redneck community.

Most of them are very meaningful, but outsiders will say they are just a bag of hot air.  You be the judge.

What do rednecks call duct tape?
Chrome.

What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Redneck zoo?
On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin.
A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.

Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.

What's the most popular pick up line in Arkansas?
Nice tooth!

Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar Arkansas State Lottery?
The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.

What do a divorce in Arkansas, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
Somebody is fixin' to lose them a house trailer.

Why do folks from Arkansas go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
17 and under are not admitted.

What do you get when you have 32 Arkansasians in the same room?
A full set of teeth.

Did you hear that the Governors mansion in Arkansas burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.

A new law was recently passed in Alabama.
When a couple gets a divorce they're still brother and sister.

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.

What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer.
In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

What do they call "Hee Haw" in Arkansas?
A documentary.

What do they call “Hee Haw” in Kentucky?
"Life Styles of the Rich and Famous."

How many rednecks does it take eat a 'possum?
Two. One to eat, and one to watch for cars.

Why did God invent armadillos?
So that rednecks can have 'possum on the half shell.

What is a Redneck’s defense in court?
“Honest your Honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence.”
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A Sad Homecoming!

Talk about post-traumatic stress disorder...
I recently came back from a stressful and busy tour of duty in Afghanistan. Having not seen my wife for several months, I was looking forward to a night of hot passionate sex with her.
Unfortunately, she came out of the shower with a damn towel wrapped round her head and I shot her.
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What's In A Name

I was walking through Chinatown in LA and when I notice a sign reading, “Hans Schmidt’s Chinese Laundry.”

Being of a curious nature, I entered and was greeted by an old Oriental man who identified himself as Hans Schmidt.

“How come you have a name like that?” I asked.

“Is simple,” says the old man. “Many, many year ago when come to this country, stand in immigration line behind a big German guy. Immigration lady look at him and go, “What your name?”

He say, “Hans Schmidt.”

Then she look at me and go, “What your name?”

“I say, Sam Ting.”

I left, curiosity satisfied.
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Nude Blogging and America Is Rulled By Nero Obama

Hey, peeps! It’s nude blogging time again. I’m here in the Travelodge in Winchester and THE SUN IS SHINING. No so when I was unloading the dogs (not an easy task when it’s raining dogs and cats, I tell ya.) All I had this time were 15 puppies of mixed breed.

But this time was unusual. The first pup I tried to take from the cage was scared to death, or hated the rain, or didn’t like my red shirt (Red Shirt On Fridays To Show Support For The Troops.)or didn't like men. He would snap and yelp like someone was stomping his tail and would not come out. I thought he might not like men, so the lady who runs the shelter tried with the same results. So we took the cage to his new pin and dumped him out. He immediately began running around like nothing was wrong.

But his little show upset the other puppies in the front of the van and they all yelled (not barked, but yelped) loud and strong while squirming and trying to get down. The first 8 pups were difficult to handle, to say the least. And one little Shar Pei mixed bit my thumb. Yep! The same thumb that fucking cat latched on to in LA. I’m getting tired of loosing my precious bodily fluids just to give the animals a better home. (Or the main course in a meal.)

But all of them were happy once they were in their new kennels and had access to each other. Me, I bled.

Also, my friend, Nancy, sent this to me and I had to let you see it. Most of you have probably seen it before, but it is worth seeing again.

WHILE AMERICA WAS BURNING

(Click on the picture twice to see it bigger sized)

Party guests from left to right: Tim Geithner, John Kerry, KSM, Oprah, Nancy Pelosi, Joe Biden, Axelrod, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Party Crashers #1, Rahm Emanuel, Eric Holder, Party Crashers #2, Harry Reid, John Edwards, Bluto, Andy Stern, Bill Clinton, Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, Barney Frank, Kevin Jennings Statues left to right: Che Guevara, Saul Alinsky, Obama, Chairman Mao, Lenin

In November you can change the course of this socialist administration by voting - or you can sit on the couch and complain. Your choice. Remember these words of wisdom, you can't fix stupid, but you can vote it out. Remember to take out the trash on Nov 2nd, 2010.

Later!
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