Doing My Christmas Thing - Again

(Yes, that's me and I believe the GIECO Gecko from last year.)

Been busy doing my Santa thing at Pet Smart again.

The above picture is from last year when some kid bought this lizard and wanted a Santa picture with it.  No shit, Peeps.  I've have pictures made with bat-shit crazy cats, gold fish, ferrets, a couple of parrots of some kind (big and colorful) and a turtle.

I did make a few pictures of this year, especially one of Judy on my lap, with my phone but I am having trouble sending it to my email.  When I get if fixed I'll post that one, too.

But it's fun and I have not been bitten or attacked...yet.  Pissed and pooped on, scratched and threatened, but not bitten.

The biggest problem is the dumb owners (parents).  Like last Saturday I had this little terrier in my lap who did not want to be there.  I was able to calm him down long enough to get a couple of good pictures, but you can only keep their attenton for so long.  So he started struggling and whining and yelping and I am fighting to hold on to him while his dumb-assed mom just stood there watching us.  The terrier did try to nip my finger and I said, a little loudly for Santa, 'Mom, you have to come get him now.  He's had enough of Santa.'  I felt like throwing a Johnny Unitus pass to the front of the store, but...well...it's not the dog's fault.

So I 'Chuck Norris' the mom.  Okay! I didn't, but I sure wanted to.

Anyhohoho, it raises a few bucks for Dr. Amber's rescue and spay and neutering program.  So I guess I can put up with it for another year.

You can help, too, by helping out your area shelters and giving some forever homes to some awesome critters (and hopefully put some of the puppy mills out of business.)

Later, Peeps!

My Christmas Season Starts Now

                              Yep! That’s me!


Tomorrow (Saturday) I start my three weekend tour as Santa at the Pet Smart.

I’ll be in Duluth, GA, on Ventura Dr. if any of you Georgia Peeps wanna bring your dog or cat by for a picture with Santa.

The proceeds go to help my step-daughter, Dr. Amber, with her animal adoption and rescue group, Leftover Pets.

It’s a hoot doing this because I get to pet some awesome dogs and occasionally have a honey sit in my lap with her little precious. HO HO HO!
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I'm Frustrated

Dammit, dammit, dammit!

I hate you techno-friendly people who can do shit on your blog and make it enjoyable. All I can do is type out a few stupid words and hope that someone somewhere understands what I am trying to say and either be offended or not offended. I don’t care which as long as you have a reaction of some kind and will note it in the comments. So all you people who can post pictures and stuff, BITE ME!

I have a few goofy pictures made this weekend at the Pet Smart. But I cannot get the goddamn things from my Kodak Picture Albums to this blog site. I suck at this and I am frustrated to no end. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, and, oh, yeah, FUCK IT!

So let me just answer some of your comments here so this won’t be a total waste of blog space. I’ll start by saying I didn’t know how much of a Santa Suck I am. Last year the pictures were made on a Polaroid camera. It is provided by Pet Smart, so we didn’t have a choice. This year PS changed to a small digital camera and a $1.15 printer which takes about three minuets to print each picture – with sometimes 10 or 12 people waiting with their dogs (who most times are trying to eat each other.). Our store is very lucky in that one of the volunteers who comes by every week to walk dogs and help out anyway he can, is also a salesman in real like of anything computer related for Cisco. He became very discussed with the quality of the pictures the store provided camera gave, so he went home and brought back his professional stuff. We are making the best quality photos of any PS store in the nation. But that also brings about a problem. Last year I couldn’t see myself very well. This year, if I look down at the animal at the time of the click, I look like I’m asleep. I did not know this on Saturday because I didn’t see any of the pictures. I saw few yesterday and I look like I am sleeping on the job. I am actually trying to get the best view of the dog and they don’t tell me when they are ready. Dammit!

To Pamela, that isn’t me in the photo you sent over, and I don’t make that good looking of a Santa.

Skippymom, Yes and no! I have been nipped a few times while trying to get a picture made. Some of the dogs are afraid of the all-red man with all the white hair on his face and head. It isn’t natural to them (or me) and they are just a little afraid. I try to get the owner to stand next to me and let the dog smell my hand before I try to pet it. Then we work it into my lap. Some of the dogs just jump into the lap and pose. Folks, NEVER EVER reach for a dog you don’t know or who doesn’t know you. Always slowly lower you hand to his nose and let him smell you first. It is the safest way to become acquainted. Unless, of course, you want to do it naturally their way and get down on all fours and sell each others ass. I prefer the hand method, myself.

Dr. Amber did have a small dog that she and I had to tell people all day long not to stick their fingers in the cage. She would try to bit them without a warning growl or bearing of the teeth. Outside the cage she would be just as loving as can be, but she was abused in her pin at the shelter she came from by the caretakers (minimum security prisoners working for the county.) Anyway, I spent the slow periods talking to her and rubbing her nose and the side of her mouth. She would whine and gently gnaw on my finger. After it was over, I came back to say goodbye to her, not even thinking that I wasn’t in the getup anymore, and she bit my left index finger pretty bad. I have cuts from my middle knuckle to the fingernail (and that is bruised) that did bleed for a while. But it wasn’t serious, and it was my own stupid fault. We laughed about it, too, because of all the warnings we gave to other people. Duh!

Clew, I would say go for it. It’s not that expensive and the shelter will benefit and you will have a cute picture. Some people were going to some of the copy shops and having Christmas cards made from the pictures. That is scary that my ugly Santa will be going all over the world. But if you are at the Pet Smart in Gwinnett on Ventura Blvd in Atlanta, drop by for a chat and a photo.

Have I said enough beside, damn, damn, fuck? Okay, bye!

I'm Santa Again This Year

Well, it’s been decided. I will be the store Santa at the Pet Smart again this year. I start on Saturday and it will last for the next three weeks, every Saturday and Sunday. I am sooo fucking happy about this. Maybe the world will come to an end before Saturday (it can’t come to an end today because it already tomorrow in Australia.) Maybe the Muslims will not let the American people have Christmas this year, since we are such infidels.

The things I will do to help my family. Maybe I should have been an inattentive, abusive father and step-father. They might not like me, but I would have my Saturdays and Sundays to myself. Much like I do with my Mondays thru Fridays.

I did it last year to raise money for Dr. Amber’s pet rescue organization. You get two Polaroid pictures and two small, cheap frames for, I don’t know, $5.00 or something like that. People really like to do this with their beloved pets. They use the pictures to decorate the Christmas tree, or to send to friends and relatives. Personally, I’d rather have cash or a check. But it’s not about me. Dammit!

I’ve had my picture in a Santa Clause outfit made with every size and breed of dog there is. There were some in my lap, some sitting beside me. I’ve had four dogs at once in my lap. I’ve had them pee on me and the floor. No one has shit on me yet - because I can throw a 20 lb dog halfway across the store.

And the cats!!! I am going to wear leather arm protectors under the arm sleeve this year. Sitting for photos with a strange man with fuzzy whiskers is not one of the most endearing things a cat likes to do. Some of those beasts can leave claw marks on a stainless steel pole – and climb all the way to the top, too.

I’ve had my picture made with ferrets, macaws, parakeets and a skunk. I’ve had my picture made with kids in my lap holding their pets. I have even had petty young ladies sit in my lap with their pets. But they didn’t sit around long enough to talk about “the first thing to come up.” So much for perks!

But I guess it is for a good cause. Dr. Amber is totally dedicated to the spay and neuter programs, and saving as many animals she can. She has contacts all over the country and helps rescue organizations match up with good families. So the money she raises from this effort does some good. So I guess I’ll do it again this year. Dammit!