Taliban Rx

Gotta Love That Navy Humor

Husband and Wife For Real

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A wedding tragedy is when you marry for love and then find out he has no money.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to getting their laundry done free.

Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful
.

Weekend Humor From Miss Vicki

A little humor from my Conservative California (Yes there are some in that state) Friend and new blogger, Vicki, at Krazed Kat Woman.

Although she has been on Face Book for a while, with many friends, she is new to blogging. So head over to her place and give her some warm hugs.

Don’t tell her I sent you though. She is a decent lady and would not like it if people thought she was hanging with the likes of me.

Enjoy a weekend laugh on me and Vicki:

Two Old Lady Stories

I think we all know little old ladies like these two fictious ladies...

Two old ladies were sitting on the porch talking about their lives and what they remember. Reminiscing over the many things they did in their youth; raising families, movies and dancing and stuff.

After a pause, Nettie turned to Ruth and as, “Ahhhh, Ruth, do you remember the minuet?”

Ruth, without a pause, said, “Hell, Nettie, I don’t even remember the men I fucked.”

*****

Nettie and Ruth were sitting on the porch at the old folks home. Nettie turned to Ruth and asked "Ruth, you were married a long time, did you and your husband have mutual orgasm?"

Rush sat and rocked for a minute and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."

*****

Nettie and Ruth are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. Ruth turns to Nettie and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

Nettie replies, "Oh sure I do."

Ruth then asks, "What do you do about it?"

Nettie replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, Ruth ask, "Who drives you to the beach?"

*****

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a Ruth comes running towards her screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"

The receptionist immediately rushes up to Ruth's room. "Where is he?" asked the receptionist.

"He's over there," replied Ruth, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.

The receptionist looks over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "But how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"

"The dresser, honey!" screamed Ruth. "Try standing on the dresser!"

*****

An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get up to leave until the theater was ready to close for the night.

"You folks must've enjoyed the show," the usher said.

"Disgusting!" said the old lady.

"It was revolting," her husband added.

"Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher asks.

"We had to wait until you turned up the house lights," the old lady replied. "We couldn't find my panties and his teeth were in them!"

Weekend Humor

Redneck Christmas Lights

Some of us Southern boys wear the handle ‘Red Neck’ with pride.

It brings up a vision of people who, although might not be highly educated, are true, loyal friends who will give you the shirt off their back if you need warming. They will cover your six if you are in trouble and are patriotic to a fault.

Their families are close and cousins play with each other and are best friends. All the kids answer to any mom or dads close by and had better not show disrespect to anyone older than them. Yet, if you cross one, you will have the whole family to deal with.

Good old boys who will be out in the rain or snow working on your car or truck if you are broken down and need the help.

People that will be at your door with a platter of food if you are sick or there’s a death in the family.

They love their cars and trucks and know all the NASCAR drives names, car numbers and the names of their wives and girlfriends. The also take their football and baseball seriously and will wear their favorite teams school or team colors and t-shirts with pride - though some never made it out of high school.

Having a red-neck for a friend means you are a good person and you will have a friend for life - unless you cross him. Then you will have Hell to pay.

But sometimes they can go too far. That’s when their humor really comes out. And this is an example of their humor.


Now that thar is funny, I don't care who you are.

Old Ones on a Tuesday

 

Old ones:

A young man goes up to the bar and orders six Jagermeister’s. The gulps each one down, one after the other without pausing. The bartender ask if he has a problem or is he celebrating something. The young man shrugs and says, “I don’t know which one to say. Celebrating I guess over my first blowjob.”

“Well , in that case let me give you a seventh shot on the house.”

“No offence, sir. But if six shots won’t get rid of the taste, another one won’t make a difference.”
*****

This couple goes to bed and the husband starts rubbing his wife’s arm. The wife turns over and says, “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment in the morning and I want to stay fresh.” He starts to turn over then turns back and ask, “ Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?”
*****

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he come home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his dick into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day, a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was wrong.

“What’s wrong, hon?” she asked.

“Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my dick into the pickle slicer?”

“Oh, Bill, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“My God, Bill, what happened?”

“I got fired.”

“No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer and are you alright?”

“Oh…I’m fine but she got fired, too.”
*****

A man was making his daily visit to the hospital where she has been in a com for years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor, who says this is a good sign and suggest he should try rubbing the right breast to see if there is any other reactions. So he goes back in and rubs her right brest and she lets out a moan. From this the doctor suggest he go back in and have oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act. About 5 minutes later and white as a sheet, the man comes out and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man says, “She choked.”
*****

Have a fun Tuesday, Peeps!

A Little Humor - Very Little

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his forehead while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.
*****
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy gown. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.
*****
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
*****
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
*****
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.
*****
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful! CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
*****
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked out seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.